Wondering......

A few weeks ago, my hubby's family lost one of their family members. It was Aiman, our nephew, son of hubby elder brother. He was 10 years old when he was diagnosed with a third-stage lymphoma cancer, and after the first chemotherapy cycle, he left us.

I didn't know how Kak Jah and Abang Duan could handle that their only son was not here anymore. They are so strong, and I know that I could never be like them.

After this incident, I do wonder sometimes if this happen to us, how do we cope with it. I told hubby yesterday, that if its happen (IF, notice the word, IF), for sure I will be temporarily insane. I could never be strong like my in-laws. I respect them too much for able to be strong.

I could never be okay if I lose my baby. Hubby will need to be super strong to support me. I know that people assume I am strong at heart when it comes to something sad. I come from a family who does not know how to cry. Although, there is 1 person in my family that is more on the sensitive side. The rest are stubborn at heart, and tears is not something that we tolerate. I can even count how many times I cried through out my life.

It was when my abah was sick at Tawakal Hospital, the time when the Dr. Halili told the family that my abah was dying, when I lost my second baby and a few times when I received good/bad news about my exam, which are UPSR and PMR.

Deep in my heart, I know that I will be mad if something bad happen to my baby. I did read a few blogs about mother who lost their babies and believe me, they are strong women. If I am in their shoes, I don't know how I will cope.

Seriously, I hate people who simply dump their babies or kill their babies. It is so hard for some couple, including us to get another baby. Sometimes, I think it is unfair as couple who do not want baby, easily get one while others like us, it is so hard to conceive one.

I can never imagine my life without having Eya and hubby at my side. I really need to learn to be stronger.

Al-Fatihah for our dear Aiman Ridzuan...

What hubby get for his mid-life crisis???

Actually, hubby does not turn forty yet. He has a few more years before he reach that age.

What he did recently was something that I equate to a mid-life crisis, which people says will happen when some guy turns 40.

He kept telling me that he would like to have a bigger bike for his ride to work. All this while he been using a 16 years old kapcai to go to work, which I bought for him when he was in his workshop business. However, when he was working with his previous employer, he need to go outstation quite regularly. He cannot use the car since I need it for my ride to office, so he suggested to buy a bigger bike.

It was something that I didn't agreed in the first place since owning a bike is much more expensive than a car. I keep thinking and reluctantly agreed as I think he really need that bike.

He started searching for 2nd hand bike in Mudah.my and our weekend will be spent going to Kapar and Meru to look for bikes. After a few weeks, he managed to find it at USJ but when we went there, the bike was already sold. Someone beat us to it. Then, we went to look at Nilai but it was too pricey.

After thinking hard, I thought of going to Lunas, Kedah to look at a bike advertised in Mudah. So, we decided it will be a short, long distance trip to Penang just to view a bike. It turned out the bike was still good and well maintained. So, I agreed for hubby to buy it. The main reason why I agreed was the bike came together with side boxes that cost RM 5000 and it was red.

So, after 2 weeks, we went to Penang again to take the bike and settled the payment with the owner. It was shocking to see how a guy bond so much with a bike. The owner took photos of hubby and the bike. It showed how much he loved that bike.

We sent the bike to KL using KTM as I didn't think hubby can ride it all the way to KL.

As for the accessories, including jacket, helmet and gloves was already bought by hubby and I tell you they are damn expensive. Hubby even bought a helmet as a present for me.

So, this is the present for hubby this year for his birthday. He didn't want anything from me as for him, letting him to buy a bike is more than enough for him.

Hubby's new love...

Happy Birthday, Abang...

My birthday boy....

 I didn't know why this year I wanted to plan something different for hubby's birthday. Not that special, just to have something different. I wanted to plan a weekend getaway for us but since hubby just started working, he could not have a day off. Now, he even work on Saturday, which makes it harder to plan anything.

My plan was to go to somewhere with his new bike, but doing that means Eya will be left behind. So, need to think of something that can include the three of us. The only plan I got was to have a high-tea, dinner or lunch somewhere special.

After doing some googling, I found out that Ritz-Carlton have a nice, lavish afternoon tea but I don't think he will loves it. They also have Sunday Roast Lunch but I afraid that the choice is limited, so to save time, we went to somewhere nearer.

We decided to have a buffet lunch at Pullman Putrajaya Lakeside. The spread was not that many but I thought it was ok, considering the price. We tried all the food since it were not that many. They have Malay dishes with white rice, Mexican cuisine, thin-crust pizza, all kind of appetizers and also desserts.

Eya loved it since she got to eat all the cakes, pudding and ice-cream. She even tried cotton candy but refused to eat it since it was quite weird for her.

Eya so happy after eating a lot of cakes...

Hubby being adventurous that day tried eating fresh oysters but I kept reminding him of Mr Bean, who ate the spoiled oyster. The oysters were very tasty, according to him.


We spent a few hours, eating and talking, just spending quality time together.

The loves of my life...

We did this on a day before hubby's birthday. Exactly at 12 a.m., I sang Happy Birthday to him and handed him the card. Eya sang right after me.

To hubby, Happy Birthday.....Eya and me loves you very much....

Am I doing the right thing??

Being an academician was something that I chose because of my love to hubby and now for Eya. The first few years was a total blur to me as I still didn't get the hang of it or what to do. Back then, I didn't even know how to write a paper. Now, at least I have improved but still it was just an average quality of paper.

Being a academician means you have to keep improving yourself in terms of paper qualification. When I decided to do my Master back in 2004, my main objective was just to go to UK, and it didn't worked well for me. Although, I managed to get my Master and got a conversion from MARA.

A few years have passed, and most of my colleagues had went to get their PhD, locally or internationally. I was among the few who are so reluctant to continue my study along with 2 of my close friends. Last year, suddenly 1 of them decided to do her PhD locally and that left only the 2 of us.

I don't feel really the urgency in doing it as I really want to have the passion and be prepared for it. Many people said  doing a PhD is like another journey of your life. It can be smooth sailing for someone or maybe a journey someone wish that he/she would never take in the first place.

I got my calling from one of my ex-student who was going to further her studies. She kept persuading me to continue my studies just like her. I didn't think anything of it until one day, I googled for oversea scholarship.I did this for almost 2 weeks when suddenly I saw an ad in Berita Harian.

The next day at work, I went to the website and registered for it. Then, the journey of finding a university began. Looking for a university was easy, the hard part was looking for a supervisor who want to supervise you. I had made 3 applications and hopefully 1 of it will go through.

Even making a research proposal was tough. I had to discuss with my boss about this and luckily she gave me 2 topics feasible for PhD. I chose the one which had a clear outcome, although the area was not my cup of tea.

I don't put my hopes up, but if I get it, it will be my motivation in getting my PhD. If not, maybe its not my time yet. So, whatever the result is, it will be a sign for me.

Supper at Little White Cafe...

Sometimes, after dinner, I had the urge to eat something sweet. The easiest dessert will be a short trip to McD drive-through or according to Eya, the 'tingkap'. For the past few weeks, we will have that short trip almost to 2-3 times a week. Nothing fancy, just a sundae cone ice cream for the 3 of us.

Eya was given the green light a few weeks ago to eat ice-cream since my mom said the creamy kind of ice cream is ok. According to our own paed, if a child has a fever, give them ice cream. Not the iced one but the creamy kind.

So feeling a little bored with the same ice cream, we chose to recce Little White Cafe, just opened beside Amani Hotel. What attract us to the shop was its lovely decor.

We looked at the food they displayed outside, and at first glance, the price was quite expensive. So, we thought maybe the rest of the menu are ok, so we decided to give it a try.

When we browsed through the menu, everything were expensive. The menu was quite simple but the beverage choices was limited. All three of us except Eya ordered a slice of cake. I ordered the Red Velvet cake, which was priced at RM 13.90. I assumed the cake will be super marvelous due to its price but I was so wrong. The cake was just ok, not that fluffy or moist. A little hard, I might say.

The Red Velvet

The Choc Fudge...

Taste Rest has better version, according to hubby...

Abang ordered carrot cake, but he said the one at Taste Restaurant tasted better. Eya had cupcake which was quite hard, and priced at RM 4.80. Only abang ordered drinks, which supposed to be freshly squeezed orange juice, but when it was delivered to our table, the drinks came in shotglass size. Guess how much was it? The price is RM 5.00.

The so-expensive drink...

 The owner came to our table to ask why we didn't ordered more drinks, but thinking of ordering any more will cause more holes in our wallet, we decided not too. Me and adik stopped at 7-E at Shell just to buy our drinks.

Overall, I would say that the place is nice and suitable if you are on a date. If you have a family, I think it would be better if we dine somewhere else. The menu is great if you can offer it in lower price.

For me, I wouldn't dare to go there again as the price is too much for me. I'm willing to buy Secret Recipe as I can buy 2 slices with the price of their cake.

p/s: This is my opinion and if anyone feel offended or do not agree with it, I'm sorry.

I think I'm paranoid...

I knew everything about hubby's history...every little part of it...I also knew his ex and she was a friend...not a close friend, but we can say hi everytime we met until a day when suddenly she stopped acknowledging me. Its not that I care but I just feel weird, why was the sudden change?

So, I happily married with hubby up until when a few years ago, hubby called and informed me that she is now one of my SIL staff. Yes, its mean that she have access to hubby's family. She may know whatever is happening with the family. I didn't know why I cried when I heard the news. Maybe something deep inside of me was not that secure.

She was quite close to both of my SIL, as she was quite a charmer when she dated hubby. I'm more on the reserved type, and being almost 20 years younger, I'm not that close to my SIL. I don't know if they know that I'm uncomfortable knowing that she is close to them. I do hope they understand what a women would feel if the ex is still in close relationship with a guy's family.

I tossed away that insecure feeling from my mind after hubby keep consoling me that he no longer have feeling for her. Both of them, hubby and her, have their own family now. So, feeling okay with that, I keep reassuring myself that nothing will happen. SIL will be professional and will not ever mix business with personal stuff.

Then, last night, before sleep, hubby revealed to me that the woman's father gave MIL a taxi ride from SIL house in Subang to Nilai. I was so shocked and all the past feeling and emotions came rushing back. Maybe it just a sincere help of offering a taxi ride or simply a business. Still, I'm not sure of the woman intention. Out of all the taxi in KL or even Selangor, why the help come from someone that I'm not comfortable. People may say it none of my business since it was a deal between my SIL and the driver, but still why him?

To make things worse, she even send her daughter to one of the school I'm thinking of sending Eya. Why fate is so cruel? It been almost 10 years and I still cannot escape from her. My SIL think it is good since I can send Eya to school together with her daughter. She even can get a ride from her father as it seem that he fetch her daughter everyday from school.

Hubby really do not understand my feelings. He said there is nothing to be worried. It just purely coincidental and she means no harm. She just offering her help, with regards to the ride. I'm feeling so insecure knowing that everything can happen nowadays. Something, men are being so naive. Deep in my heart, I really feel she is up to something. I don't know what but it hurts me to think that she is in the same circle where my family is.

Is it just me being stupid and emotional or is it just fate playing cruel tricks on me???

Our Own Micasa....

I collected the keys to my new house on 10th November 2010. I was the second buyer to collect the keys as I didn't have major issues of the charges, compared to other buyers.

Our initial plan was to move in after 2 weeks, as we would like to move in in December.We thought it will be hard for us if not to move as we have to pay the installment and the rent for our rented home in Sepakat Indah. Yes, the first installment will be starting in December.

We went straight to the house after we got the keys. Just to check for visual defects and have a brief walk-through of the house. We did have some defects, which has been written onto the list of defect documents. Some of it were:

• Rusty doorknobs
• Windows that cannot be closed
• No water supply

It just weird of not having the CF for new properties. We found out that after 2007, the developer use CCC in delivering the vacant possession. It do have its own pro and cons.

The cons in our case was not having the water supply. This however do not deter us from moving into the new home, a week before December. We had Hafiz doing the kitchen cabinet, Abo and Shamsir for the lighting, wiring, curtain railing, etc and the rest was just the two of us, me and hubby.

Hafiz managed to finished the kitchen cabinet in just within 2 weeks. We chose red for our KC, which a lot of the neighbors are also using. (Hafiz used our house for his show room). Abo and Shamsir installed all the lightings, wiring, railing and also did the painting. Nothing fancy about the color. It is blue for my room, pink for Eya and purple for the living room.

A lot of money was spent for the move in. The grille, we managed to find a cheaper prices. We found it by accident, on our trip to Jusco Cheras Selatan. It was RM 1K less than the first quotation. Then, we went to Kamdar KL for the curtains, for the whole house.

All in all, we had spent almost RM 20K in moving to the new houses, and there was no renovation works involved. Our main objective was just to move in and have all the basic necessities. All renovation can be done in the future, as long we have the budgets.

And, to think that only the three of us will live there, the existing layout is big enough for us.Our future plan is just to install wood flooring and to have electronic gate.

As for the water supply, until now, we still don't get our own meter. Luckily, the developer provides us with free water. However, I'm still not happy until I get my own water meter from Syabas.

See...Eya was so happy to get her own water meter...

 Updates on 20/1/11: The meter has been installed. We waited for almost 2 1/2 months for it. I'm so thrilled to have it. Yeay....

The awaited water meter....