No Luck....

Just a simple notes to said that we have no luck this time.

Will try again next time.

Wondering......

A few weeks ago, my hubby's family lost one of their family members. It was Aiman, our nephew, son of hubby elder brother. He was 10 years old when he was diagnosed with a third-stage lymphoma cancer, and after the first chemotherapy cycle, he left us.

I didn't know how Kak Jah and Abang Duan could handle that their only son was not here anymore. They are so strong, and I know that I could never be like them.

After this incident, I do wonder sometimes if this happen to us, how do we cope with it. I told hubby yesterday, that if its happen (IF, notice the word, IF), for sure I will be temporarily insane. I could never be strong like my in-laws. I respect them too much for able to be strong.

I could never be okay if I lose my baby. Hubby will need to be super strong to support me. I know that people assume I am strong at heart when it comes to something sad. I come from a family who does not know how to cry. Although, there is 1 person in my family that is more on the sensitive side. The rest are stubborn at heart, and tears is not something that we tolerate. I can even count how many times I cried through out my life.

It was when my abah was sick at Tawakal Hospital, the time when the Dr. Halili told the family that my abah was dying, when I lost my second baby and a few times when I received good/bad news about my exam, which are UPSR and PMR.

Deep in my heart, I know that I will be mad if something bad happen to my baby. I did read a few blogs about mother who lost their babies and believe me, they are strong women. If I am in their shoes, I don't know how I will cope.

Seriously, I hate people who simply dump their babies or kill their babies. It is so hard for some couple, including us to get another baby. Sometimes, I think it is unfair as couple who do not want baby, easily get one while others like us, it is so hard to conceive one.

I can never imagine my life without having Eya and hubby at my side. I really need to learn to be stronger.

Al-Fatihah for our dear Aiman Ridzuan...

I think I'm paranoid...

I knew everything about hubby's history...every little part of it...I also knew his ex and she was a friend...not a close friend, but we can say hi everytime we met until a day when suddenly she stopped acknowledging me. Its not that I care but I just feel weird, why was the sudden change?

So, I happily married with hubby up until when a few years ago, hubby called and informed me that she is now one of my SIL staff. Yes, its mean that she have access to hubby's family. She may know whatever is happening with the family. I didn't know why I cried when I heard the news. Maybe something deep inside of me was not that secure.

She was quite close to both of my SIL, as she was quite a charmer when she dated hubby. I'm more on the reserved type, and being almost 20 years younger, I'm not that close to my SIL. I don't know if they know that I'm uncomfortable knowing that she is close to them. I do hope they understand what a women would feel if the ex is still in close relationship with a guy's family.

I tossed away that insecure feeling from my mind after hubby keep consoling me that he no longer have feeling for her. Both of them, hubby and her, have their own family now. So, feeling okay with that, I keep reassuring myself that nothing will happen. SIL will be professional and will not ever mix business with personal stuff.

Then, last night, before sleep, hubby revealed to me that the woman's father gave MIL a taxi ride from SIL house in Subang to Nilai. I was so shocked and all the past feeling and emotions came rushing back. Maybe it just a sincere help of offering a taxi ride or simply a business. Still, I'm not sure of the woman intention. Out of all the taxi in KL or even Selangor, why the help come from someone that I'm not comfortable. People may say it none of my business since it was a deal between my SIL and the driver, but still why him?

To make things worse, she even send her daughter to one of the school I'm thinking of sending Eya. Why fate is so cruel? It been almost 10 years and I still cannot escape from her. My SIL think it is good since I can send Eya to school together with her daughter. She even can get a ride from her father as it seem that he fetch her daughter everyday from school.

Hubby really do not understand my feelings. He said there is nothing to be worried. It just purely coincidental and she means no harm. She just offering her help, with regards to the ride. I'm feeling so insecure knowing that everything can happen nowadays. Something, men are being so naive. Deep in my heart, I really feel she is up to something. I don't know what but it hurts me to think that she is in the same circle where my family is.

Is it just me being stupid and emotional or is it just fate playing cruel tricks on me???

I've cleared it....

Last weekend, I received a registered letter. At first, I thought it was documents from my house lawyer or banks as I've been receiving a lot of registered letter from them.

I was shocked when I opened it and discovered that I got a summon. I've been driving for 12 years, and this is my first ever summon. I read the details of it and found out that I got it when speeding through Penchala Link. I just find out that the speed after the tunnel was only 80 km/j, and frankly I didn't realize it, although I've been using it quite regularly. I was speeding 93 km/j and it was not much compared to the allowed limit but nevertheless, I still had exceeded the allowed limit.

I was quite sleepless the day I got the summon but hubby told me to relax, and I can pay when the police give discounts. I've been gathering ideas on how not to pay the RM300 as stated in the letter.

Hubby told me that I could write an appeal letter and enclosed a money-order of lesser amount. If the police accept it, its good but if they want me to pay more, they would reply the letter and return the money order. So, I'm thinking of doing that later today when suddenly I had the urge to explore MyEG to check for my summon.

So, I registered at MyEG.com and check for my summon. It was listed but there was a column saying 'Incentive Amount'. It seemed that violation, if to be paid within certain period, will be given a 50% discount. So, I proceed to payment page and paid for the summon for RM 150.00 plus RM 2.00 for the service charge.

After I finished with the payment, I checked again and my summon was clear. I even printed the receipt as I afraid that Malaysian system is not that reliable. So, if the police ask for any payment evidence, I had the receipt.

So, now, I'm free from any summon. I will definitely be more careful when I use the Penchala Link next time.

p/s: I also checked my Kejara Point, and I am free from any offences. Yeay!!!

.......................

I was so shocked when I heard the news of Yasmin Ahmad. And I was sad when I woke up Sunday morning and my mom told me she passed away on Saturday night. At that moment, I felt like something going to be missing from my life.

She was the reason why I watched Malay movies. Although she entered the industry quite late, she did make a big impact to the Malay movie industry.

She was the reason why I started spending my money to watch Malay movies in the cinemas. I watched almost all her movies at cinemas, except for Talentime. I had wrote an entry that I was so frustrated that I couldn't watch Talentime. I even asked my friend to find Muallaf cd in Singapore as Malaysia banned the movie. Until now, I'm still searching for Muallaf cd.

I felt like Malaysia is missing a valuable icon in the movie industry. It is sad to know that there will be no more good Petronas ads, no more good movies to be watched.

This is the first time I ever felt sad when someone in the movie industry passed away. Even when MJ died, I felt nothing. But just hearing the news that she passed away, I was really sad.

Maybe someone like the DT or RM will feel happy that she can no longer make movies but for me, sincerely, I will miss her movies so much.

Now, I can only look forward to Afdlin, Kabir or Mamat Khalid movies. The next one will be setem. Need to make booking a.s.a.p.

This blog is created for...

"My Daughter"

I always knew that being online has it own risks and problems but I never know that I was going to be part of the statistics.

This blog was made for my daughter. Initially, I used Yahoo 360 to be Eya's diaries. Her development from the moment she was born until now. I did this so I can keep track of her milestones and for her to view it when she grows up.

Everything written inside this blog is about her and sometimes I also write something about special moment in my life. It was intended to be a personal blog of mine.

I never expect people to come to my blog and accept everyone who discover this blog as my friend. I also go to other peoples blog and usually I am a silent reader. I only post comments on blogs that I familiar with. Even if I post any comments, I ensure the comments is not rude and acceptable for the owner to read.

I hope everyone who wish to give me comments, please do so politely. I accept any comments but don't be too rude or harsh. This blog is never for entries on sensitive issues, politics, anybody else. It is purely for my family life journal. I never force anyone to read my blog. If you find any entry on this blog that might hurt your feelings, I apologize for it. It is never my intention. You also have the choice to leave the blog without reading it.

Again, I want to stress out that the blog is my personal entry, especially for my daughter. I hope everyone out there can consider that fact and be nice inside this blog.

Lastly, thank you for your consideration.