Stress, perhaps???

I was a little bit down for these past few days...had my normal migraine attack, and not feeling well...I went to a doctor to get my medicine and found out that my BP was on the high side, 140/90...something that never happen before.

I was very shocked to learn that my BP was high. The doctor gave me 3 different pills, and ask me to come again on Friday to have my BP check.

For me, I blame it on the stress. Its not that I don't love my job. Frankly, I really love my job. With the new admin job, plus with my normal responsibilities of being an academician, I really do think that I can manage it.

Maybe I expect a little bit more from myself. I'm a perfectionist, by the way.

I analyse everything to the little bit. I tend to over analyse everything. Maybe I have to take a few steps back, relax a little bit and enjoy life more.

However, I seriously hope that I won't have BP permanently. Maybe I should be more relax.

Am I doing the right thing??

Being an academician was something that I chose because of my love to hubby and now for Eya. The first few years was a total blur to me as I still didn't get the hang of it or what to do. Back then, I didn't even know how to write a paper. Now, at least I have improved but still it was just an average quality of paper.

Being a academician means you have to keep improving yourself in terms of paper qualification. When I decided to do my Master back in 2004, my main objective was just to go to UK, and it didn't worked well for me. Although, I managed to get my Master and got a conversion from MARA.

A few years have passed, and most of my colleagues had went to get their PhD, locally or internationally. I was among the few who are so reluctant to continue my study along with 2 of my close friends. Last year, suddenly 1 of them decided to do her PhD locally and that left only the 2 of us.

I don't feel really the urgency in doing it as I really want to have the passion and be prepared for it. Many people said  doing a PhD is like another journey of your life. It can be smooth sailing for someone or maybe a journey someone wish that he/she would never take in the first place.

I got my calling from one of my ex-student who was going to further her studies. She kept persuading me to continue my studies just like her. I didn't think anything of it until one day, I googled for oversea scholarship.I did this for almost 2 weeks when suddenly I saw an ad in Berita Harian.

The next day at work, I went to the website and registered for it. Then, the journey of finding a university began. Looking for a university was easy, the hard part was looking for a supervisor who want to supervise you. I had made 3 applications and hopefully 1 of it will go through.

Even making a research proposal was tough. I had to discuss with my boss about this and luckily she gave me 2 topics feasible for PhD. I chose the one which had a clear outcome, although the area was not my cup of tea.

I don't put my hopes up, but if I get it, it will be my motivation in getting my PhD. If not, maybe its not my time yet. So, whatever the result is, it will be a sign for me.

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