Wondering......

A few weeks ago, my hubby's family lost one of their family members. It was Aiman, our nephew, son of hubby elder brother. He was 10 years old when he was diagnosed with a third-stage lymphoma cancer, and after the first chemotherapy cycle, he left us.

I didn't know how Kak Jah and Abang Duan could handle that their only son was not here anymore. They are so strong, and I know that I could never be like them.

After this incident, I do wonder sometimes if this happen to us, how do we cope with it. I told hubby yesterday, that if its happen (IF, notice the word, IF), for sure I will be temporarily insane. I could never be strong like my in-laws. I respect them too much for able to be strong.

I could never be okay if I lose my baby. Hubby will need to be super strong to support me. I know that people assume I am strong at heart when it comes to something sad. I come from a family who does not know how to cry. Although, there is 1 person in my family that is more on the sensitive side. The rest are stubborn at heart, and tears is not something that we tolerate. I can even count how many times I cried through out my life.

It was when my abah was sick at Tawakal Hospital, the time when the Dr. Halili told the family that my abah was dying, when I lost my second baby and a few times when I received good/bad news about my exam, which are UPSR and PMR.

Deep in my heart, I know that I will be mad if something bad happen to my baby. I did read a few blogs about mother who lost their babies and believe me, they are strong women. If I am in their shoes, I don't know how I will cope.

Seriously, I hate people who simply dump their babies or kill their babies. It is so hard for some couple, including us to get another baby. Sometimes, I think it is unfair as couple who do not want baby, easily get one while others like us, it is so hard to conceive one.

I can never imagine my life without having Eya and hubby at my side. I really need to learn to be stronger.

Al-Fatihah for our dear Aiman Ridzuan...