I will remember you always, no matter what...

In my previous entry, I wrote that I received the best anniversary gift that I could ever hope for. It was actually I'm being pregnant for the second time. It was so unexpected as I had some late period episodes before.

So, in March, when my period was late, I bought the cheapest pregnancy test. Why the cheapest? This was because I always spend my money buying these stuffs but never get positive result.

I did the test after got back from work and to my surprise, I got 2 pink lines. I was so happy that I cried in the bathroom. It was 2 clear lines, not like when I was pregnant with Eya. Just to confirm that I really am pregnant, I decided to visit my obgyn. He scanned but it cannot be seen as I was only 4 weeks at that time. He did a urine test and confirmed that I was really pregnant. He informed me that my EDD will be on the 30th Dec 2009.

I straight canceled my Bangkok trip and decided to sell or change the tickets. I bought material for my pregnant shirt to be worn during Hari raya. I even think of names for the baby, a girl and a boy's name.

I was really happy and keep counting the days. I even registered again at the BabyCenter website for this second pregnancy. I was so happy.

Then, on Monday,11th May, around 11.30 am, I felt like I was having a lot of discharge. When I checked on it, it was bleeding. Not reddish, just pinkish but it filled up the whole pantyliner. I cried and called both hubby and mom. I didn't know whether it still can be saved or not, but I really want it to be safe.

I decided to visit my gynae. He scanned the fetus and it has a small pulsation, which mean it still alive. However, my condition is called threaten miscarriage, which later I might miscarried the baby. He gave me a few progestoren pills and I was injected with some progesterone hormone. I will have another scan the next week.

During the whole week, before the checkup, I was bedrest and just hoping for the best. I had some brown spotting on Saturday, which worried me a little bit.

Monday came and we went to have the checkup. The doctor scanned the baby and could not see anything. He told me he was not happy as at 8 weeks the baby should have grown and clearly to be seen in an u/s scan. So, he ordered me to have a detailed scan at the radiology.

The wait to be scanned was hell. I had to drink couples of litres of water and vomited afterwards. Although I was not a radiologist, I could see the fetus have no heartbeat. I was sad but I have prepared myself for this situation.

So, the next day, he informed me that I had to undergo a DnC procedure. At this time, I was terribly sad but I could not shed any tears. I just think that I'm lucky to have Eya. If this was the first baby, I would crack so much.

The procedure was okay but when I was awake, I was crying. Maybe, it was my subconcious mind. The fetus was given to me and hubby decided to bury it at the surau near mom's home.

Really, I am sad that I lost my second baby but everything happens for a reason. I will still remember my baby always and love it no matter what. The baby will always be in my heart and mind. The baby will always be my second child.

A decade has passed...

Me and hubby declared as a couple on 30th April 1999, which made yesterday, 30/4/09, a total of 10 years we had been a couple. He proposed to me to be her girlfriend on the phone at 2.30 am. after making several hints before that. I agreed without thinking and that decision was among the best decision I had ever made.

We had a few obstacles along the way before we were married. If he was not that strong, witthout the support and encouragement, I wouldn't be what I am today.

We never really celebrate the day we became a couple but this year, we had the best present we could wished for. What is it? I couldn't really reveal it right now but I might write about it later.

To hubby, I love you so much. Thanks for everything especially for the gift.

Who is Arale?

Arale wish to live in Kampung Penguin with all her friends, but now she lives with her Mr R and lil angel.

Everything that Arale write in here is for her own eye's only and anybody who is interested. If you don't like what you see/watch/read here, please leave the blog as fast as you can.

Arale's Wishlist

  • Lancer Sportback or BMW 1 series
  • More vacation trips...
  • Reno works for GH
  • Trip to USS or Disneyland HK