In my previous entry, I wrote that I received the best anniversary gift that I could ever hope for. It was actually I'm being pregnant for the second time. It was so unexpected as I had some late period episodes before.
So, in March, when my period was late, I bought the cheapest pregnancy test. Why the cheapest? This was because I always spend my money buying these stuffs but never get positive result.
I did the test after got back from work and to my surprise, I got 2 pink lines. I was so happy that I cried in the bathroom. It was 2 clear lines, not like when I was pregnant with Eya. Just to confirm that I really am pregnant, I decided to visit my obgyn. He scanned but it cannot be seen as I was only 4 weeks at that time. He did a urine test and confirmed that I was really pregnant. He informed me that my EDD will be on the 30th Dec 2009.
I straight canceled my Bangkok trip and decided to sell or change the tickets. I bought material for my pregnant shirt to be worn during Hari raya. I even think of names for the baby, a girl and a boy's name.
I was really happy and keep counting the days. I even registered again at the BabyCenter website for this second pregnancy. I was so happy.
Then, on Monday,11th May, around 11.30 am, I felt like I was having a lot of discharge. When I checked on it, it was bleeding. Not reddish, just pinkish but it filled up the whole pantyliner. I cried and called both hubby and mom. I didn't know whether it still can be saved or not, but I really want it to be safe.
I decided to visit my gynae. He scanned the fetus and it has a small pulsation, which mean it still alive. However, my condition is called threaten miscarriage, which later I might miscarried the baby. He gave me a few progestoren pills and I was injected with some progesterone hormone. I will have another scan the next week.
During the whole week, before the checkup, I was bedrest and just hoping for the best. I had some brown spotting on Saturday, which worried me a little bit.
Monday came and we went to have the checkup. The doctor scanned the baby and could not see anything. He told me he was not happy as at 8 weeks the baby should have grown and clearly to be seen in an u/s scan. So, he ordered me to have a detailed scan at the radiology.
The wait to be scanned was hell. I had to drink couples of litres of water and vomited afterwards. Although I was not a radiologist, I could see the fetus have no heartbeat. I was sad but I have prepared myself for this situation.
So, the next day, he informed me that I had to undergo a DnC procedure. At this time, I was terribly sad but I could not shed any tears. I just think that I'm lucky to have Eya. If this was the first baby, I would crack so much.
The procedure was okay but when I was awake, I was crying. Maybe, it was my subconcious mind. The fetus was given to me and hubby decided to bury it at the surau near mom's home.
Really, I am sad that I lost my second baby but everything happens for a reason. I will still remember my baby always and love it no matter what. The baby will always be in my heart and mind. The baby will always be my second child.
I will remember you always, no matter what...
A decade has passed...
Me and hubby declared as a couple on 30th April 1999, which made yesterday, 30/4/09, a total of 10 years we had been a couple. He proposed to me to be her girlfriend on the phone at 2.30 am. after making several hints before that. I agreed without thinking and that decision was among the best decision I had ever made.
We had a few obstacles along the way before we were married. If he was not that strong, witthout the support and encouragement, I wouldn't be what I am today.
We never really celebrate the day we became a couple but this year, we had the best present we could wished for. What is it? I couldn't really reveal it right now but I might write about it later.
To hubby, I love you so much. Thanks for everything especially for the gift.
